


Second Chances

by wavydanrises



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Soulmate AU, blind!dan, description of a panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 02:04:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10652676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wavydanrises/pseuds/wavydanrises
Summary: Soulmate AU in which you get to see colours when you kiss your soulmate. Dan has a particularity.





	Second Chances

When Dan was born, his parents’ world crumbled apart. In a world where everyone was waiting to finally find the right person and be able to see the much expected colours, he was born with the worst characteristic imaginable to most people.  
He was born blind.  
Meaning, even if he did have a soulmate and somehow managed to find them, he wouldn’t ever know.

That didn’t really bother him that much. Not anymore, at least. He could remember when he was a kid at school and he had to sit through lessons on soulmates and how the black and white vision transitioned to a colored one once you kissed them.  
He never knew any of that.  
His world was as it had always been –pitch black.  
Always had been, and always would be.  
He had hated this, his _disability_ , especially when everybody was constantly reminding him that he wasn’t like everyone else. After 20 years of living this way, he was just used to it. He simply smiled when older people placed a pitiful hand on his shoulder as he walked past them in the street. He had started wearing sunglasses -apparently, the majority was really put off by his fix eyes. That was precisely the kind of thing that made Dan want to break something.

He hadn’t asked to be born like this.

He hadn’t done anything to deserve it.

His parents weren’t to blame either. That was also something people would talk to him about -how they were sorry that his parents had made him like this. To which Dan wanted nothing more that yell that _they couldn’t have done anything to prevent it_. But he was already The Lonely Blind Boy, he didn’t need to be known as the Crazy One as well.

Nobody could have done anything. That was the simple truth, and Dan knew it, but that hadn’t made it easier to accept.

He could still remember how lost he had felt when his parents had first explained him the concept of soulmates, and that, logically, he didn’t have one. In just a few sentences, they had doomed him to firmly believe he was destined to be alone forever in a world where everyone else was living with their special person.

Way to destroy any hope still left in your child’s heart.

Dan had gotten over it, though. He was resigned. There likely wasn’t anybody waiting for him, so he wasn’t going to keep hoping for that and just get deceived even more. He would always be the Lonely Blind Boy of this damn town. There was no point of moving out. Things were easier here, with people knowing about him and his almost perfect understanding of where everything was. He knew most of the streets by heart now, and could find his way practically everywhere.

Practically.

That didn’t include the places he had never been to before, as it was the case now. And that made him frustrated as hell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Excuse me?” he said as he heard someone walk past him in the street.

They stopped. “What?”

The voice was soft, but a little bit strained. As if they were really annoyed by Dan’s intervention, but were desperately trying to still seem polite.

“Could you tell me the way to the bookstore, please?”

Dan could feel the tip of his ears heat up. That definitely was a weird request from someone who _obviously_ couldn’t see, and therefore read.

“Oh, sure. Err, you’re sure you want to go there? I mean, I don’t want to be rude but… you’re the blind guy, right?”

 _You don’t want to be rude, and yet that’s exactly what you are doing, what the hell do you think?_ Dan smiled as if these weren’t the exact thoughts he was having.

“Yeah I’m sure, I need to do something there, but I’m not exactly used to going that way so…”

“Okay, so uhm, you’re on the right side of the road, you don’t need to cross. Follow this street, then take the first right turn, and then the second right turn. The bookstore will be at the end of that street. Do you, uhm, want to me walk you there or…?”

 _I’m blind, not a baby, Jesus Christ._ “No, thank you, I should be fine. I’m kind of used to it by now, you know?”

The other person laughed awkwardly. “Okay, if you don’t need me anymore I’ll get going. Bye.”

“Okay, thanks for the help!”

As soon as he heard the footsteps fade away, Dan sighed. This was all too much complicated for his liking. He probably should’ve brought his cane, but he _hated it_ more than anything else. He hadn’t used it in years anyway. It was not as if he went outside a lot, and when he did, it was to follow the exact same routine each time. He knew exactly his way around the streets he took, and could tell exactly how many steps were needed to go to his usual coffee shop two streets from his flat (458 if he walked fast, 531 if the path was crowded and he had to take little steps).

But Dan never went to the bookstore –for a pretty obvious reason- and having to ask for people’s help was making him stressed and uncomfortable. Even more than usual.

He followed the instructions he had been given, trailing a hand on the wall to his right to make sure he was staying on the sidewalk, and not going on the road.

About 15 minutes (or 182 eye blinks) later, Dan felt his hand touch wood instead of stone or cement. According to what he had been told, that was where the library was supposed to be. He lightly trailed his fingers across the façade, waiting to feel the change of texture indicating the door.

There it was.

He grabbed the handle and pushed it and –yes, for once he had gotten it right in the first try and he wouldn’t have to deal with the awkwardness of trying to open a door the wrong way. Well, at least he couldn’t see the look everyone would have been giving him.

Dan stepped inside and let the door close behind him. He was assailed by the powerful fragrance of ink and paper, making him confused for a second. He really should’ve come with someone, it was stupid to think he would manage to do this by himself.

He couldn’t sense anything else. It was overwhelming and covering the sounds ; for a moment he didn’t know anything except the perfume of the old library.

Until he smelled of roses and lavender and a hand touched his shoulder, bringing him back to reality.

“Sir, are you okay?”

The voice was soft and concerned, and Dan wondered for how long he had been standing there. The hand was warm on his shoulder, but it was getting less and less comfortable as seconds were passing, and he shrugged it off discreetly, not wanting to come off as rude. He did in fact need some help here.

“Yeah, I’m-” He stopped for a second and cleared his throat. His tone was unusually tight, revealing just how tense he was. “I’m fine, sorry, thank you. I, uhm, do you know if there’s any chance there is a copy of _The Stranger_ by Albert Camus, but in Braille? I’m kind of, I mean, I’m blind and I need to read it for a class and uhm, yeah.”

The person in front of him chuckled quietly. “Lucky for you, I actually work here. I don’t think we’ll have it on the shelves, but I can go and look in the storage room, if you want? You can just sit at a table in the meantime, there’s a free seat right in front of you, actually. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Roses and Lavenders receded, and Ink and Paper became dominant again. Dan held back a sigh, and took careful steps straight ahead, a hand slightly raised in front of him to prevent him from walking into things. He felt the back of a seat and sat down, not having anything else to do except wait.

His glasses were making his nose itchy, but he didn’t like taking them off in public. He had gotten enough remarks and comments on them when he was younger, he really preferred to avoid them if he could. He would soon be out of here anyway, he just wanted to get his book and leave. Though, Roses and Lavender was a calming scent and he definitely wouldn’t mind if he did get to be surrounded by it again. Calming scents were pretty rare. He liked it.

Most of the time, the odors were too strong and everywhere, and it was quite bothering to Dan. Another reason why he didn’t go outside much. He genuinely hated how Gasoline attacked him, and the smell seemed to be stuck in his nose for hours afterwards.

76 eye blinks (or about 6 minutes) later, footsteps came over to Dan’s table, and Roses and Lavender flew over him once again.

“Hey, I’m really sorry, but we don’t seem to have it.”

Dan felt his shoulders fell a little. Of course, he should’ve been expecting it, why would they have it here? He had been foolish to hope it would be the case. He was about to thank Roses and Lavender, but he didn’t even have time to open his mouth before they talked again.

“Listen, I can order it for you, if you want? It’d probably be quicker than if you did it yourself because, you know, bookstore privileges and all that. We should receive it in what, 3-4 days? Would that be okay for your class?”

“Yes, of course, that would be great! Thank you, you’re saving my life,” Dan smiled, hoping he was facing the right direction.

“Perfect! Can I take your number, so I can warn you when it arrives? I’m Phil, by the way.”

Dan decided than the name suited him, soft and gentle, before snapping back to reality and quickly saying his own name and number. Phil offered to put his own number in Dan’s phone, but he refused.

“Don’t bother, just sign with your name, or something, and I’ll know it’s you. I’m guessing you wouldn’t want your number to be read aloud by that stupid vocal device?”

He was surprised by Phil’s little laugh when he said that, as if he was really trying to keep quiet because they were in a library but he would’ve laughed louder if he could. That wasn’t the reaction expected.

“You’re right, I’m sorry, I forgot. Let’s spare ourselves the uncomfortableness of that situation and me being fired, that seems like a good idea. Okay Dan, I’ll order your book and I’ll text you when we get it, okay? Now if you excuse me, it’s been a pleasure talking to you but I do have a job to do sometimes and that includes taking care of all the lovely people waiting at the checkout, and throwing me deadly glances because I keep speaking with you instead of them. So, see you!”

“Bye, Phil.”

Dan couldn’t help but be amused by the exchange. For once, he hadn’t been treated as a kid because he couldn’t see, and he had to admit that it was a nice change. He was really excited to get that book now.

Especially if that meant he got to talk to Phil again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, what’s up in that lovely little town?”

Dan snorted. “Shut up, PJ. Just because you got to escape what you call a “hell hole”,” he mimicked the quotes in air, “doesn’t mean that I want to leave too. We’ve talked about this already!”

His friend let out a chuckle, and Dan wished he would be there with him. PJ was his best friend, along with Louise, but they had both left to university two years ago. Dan had preferred to stay and take online classes, much easier for him to follow. And involving less human interaction, which was always a good thing. But sometimes, he did feel really alone, and he usually called one of them on Skype –not that he cared about the video thing, obviously, but his friends liked to see him so he didn’t see any inconvenient.

_“New message from: Phil. Read?”_

Dan let out an annoyed grumble at his phone’s voice. While it was much more practical for him, he _hated it_ with a burning passion. “Later,” he answered. “Reminder in 15 minutes.”

“What was that about?” PJ’s voice was inquisitive and a little amused.

“Nothing,” Dan shrugged. “It’s just, you remember the book I need to read for my class? Well I decided I was going to read it in Braille because, fuck it, I didn’t learn it for nothing, and you can’t even imagine how sick I am of these bloody programs reading things aloud, I _hate_ them.”

“Okay cool, but that doesn’t tell me who this Phil dude is.” PJ pointed out.

“If you let me _finish_ maybe you’ll know, Peej! Right, so I decided to try the bookshop and, obviously they didn’t have it, I just wanted to give it a shot, but the guy that work there told me he could order it for me, so I said yes.”

“And is that why he’s got your number?”

Dan sighed. “He offered to tell me when the received the book, so I wouldn’t have to just come in everyday until it’s there.”

“Yeah, for some reason I doubt that’d be the reason why he’s texting you at… what, 10pm?”

“Uh… We may have talked a bit aside from the whole “I ordered you a book thing”,” he admitted.

“Ha! I knew it. You think he’s cute.”

“Peej, do I really have to remind you that I’m blind, even if he _were_ cute, I wouldn’t know.”

“What, you didn’t do the face-touching thing?”

“Peej! I literally just saw him once, that’s not something I do with everyone I meet, you idiot, it took me four years before I asked you!”

PJ marked a pause. “You’re right, that would be kinda scary if you just went up to everyone you walk by like “hello can I touch your face please?”. That’s a good thing you don’t do it.”

“I actually hate you and I’m going to hang up just so I can stop listening to you nonsense. Also, just for the record, I don’t _like_ him. He’s just nice.”

Peej laughed quietly. “I know, I’m just messing with you. I have to go anyway, tell Phil I said hi, ’kay?”

He had hung up before Dan even had the chance to react.

He sighed.

“Open new message from Phil.”

_“New message from: Phil. Hey, I might be a traitor to England, but like have you even had coffee how could I not.”_

Dan smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two days later, Dan was holding his phone against his ear, listening to the incessant ringing that was making him want to throw it by the window.

“Dan?”

“Hey Phil, sorry to call without any warning but texting gets on my nerves really easily and I just thought that could be a good idea but if that bothers you it’s fine, I can…”

He stopped talking when Phil’s laugh came to him.

“Calm down, you’re all fine, I don’t mind at all. You should’ve told me earlier that texting was annoying you, though.”

Dan hadn’t noticed he was holding his breath until he released it. And he wondered why he didn’t talk to people often, new friendships were stressful as heck.

“Yeah I know, I’m an idiot,” he admitted. “It’s just- I can’t stand this program anymore, you know? It’s always the same stupid voice reading everything aloud and it’s not even a nice voice, like, yours is about 10 times prettier and yet I have to deal with this stupid thing and- okay, sorry, you really shouldn’t talk to me about this, I love complaining way too much.”

His ears were burning again and Phil’s giggle didn’t exactly help.

“Well, glad to know I have a pretty voice, thanks for the compliment.”

Dan groaned. “Please stop, this is embarrassing.”

“Okay, okay, sorry. Anyway, I was about to send you a text, I just got your book but we’re closed as it’s Sunday –I don’t even know how we got it in the first place-, so you can either stop by tomorrow or we can meet up somewhere today so I can give it to you?”

Dan really wanted to be surrounded by Roses and Lavender again.

“We could meet up in the afternoon? There’s a small coffee shop about three streets away from your bookstore, I think? I don’t know if you’ve been there before, I’m spending like half of my life there.”

“I think I know the one you’re talking about, I’ve walked past it a couple times. Eager to read that book, are we?”

The warmth on Dan’s ears was getting worse by the second.

“Yeah, I mean I need to read it from my class, so the sooner the better, y’know?”

“Of course,” and Dan could swear he was smiling just by the tone in his voice. “Tell you what, I’ll meet you there at 4, if that’s okay with you?”

“Great, no problem! See you there, then. Not that I’ll see you, but you know what I mean.”

“Oh my god Dan, stop talking. I’ll see you there.”

But Phil was still laughing when they hung up, and Dan was pretty sure it wasn’t said in a malicious way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan had already been sat at his usual table for about ten minutes (his time-measuring system based on counting the number of times he blinked wasn’t really the most precise, honestly) when footsteps came towards him, preceded by a particular floral scent.

“Hi Phil,” he said as soon as the footsteps stopped.

“Hi Dan. Have you ordered anything yet?”

Dan shook his head. “Wasn’t sure you wouldn’t have a bit of struggle finding this place, and cold coffee isn’t exactly my thing.”

Phil chuckled. “Good call. What do you want?” Dan was about to object that he could perfectly order for himself, thank you very much, but Phil was quicker. “C’mon, I’m already stood up. And I’m late. Take this as an apology for making you wait?”

It was Dan’s turn to laugh and shake his head again. “Okay, fine. Caramel macchiato for me, please.”

Phil hummed approvingly. “Nice choice. Okay, I’ll be back in a minute –for real this time. Don’t abandon me?”

He was already gone before Dan got the chance to answer.

*

“So,” Phil asked once they were both sat in front of each other with their coffees. “How did you know it was me before I even got the chance to say anything?”

Dan shrugged. “This is probably going to sound a bit creepy to you, given you’re probably not used to it but, uh, your scent is Roses and Lavender. So, if I can sense that, it’s very likely to be you.”

“Oh.” He went quiet for a second. “That’s interesting. Not creepy, don’t worry. I mean, a little bit, but it’s still in the okay-zone of creepiness.”

Dan chuckled and nearly choked on his coffee. “What are you even _saying_ Phil, oh my god what am I doing here?”

“I don’t know, I’m sorry,” Phil was laughing as well and bubbles of happiness were forming in Dan’s chest, making him feel light as a feather. “The colours are too pretty here, it’s getting to my brain.”

_Oh._

“Wait, you see colours?” Dan asked, his voice laced with awe.

“Yep. That’s kind of a long story, but in short I met Jace in highschool and I liked them, and bim! Colours happened. They died a year after though, car crash. But the colours never left, they’re as vibrant as always.”

“I’m sorry, Phil. I’d gladly give you an awkward hand-patting to show you my sympathy but I actually don’t know where your hand is, so you’ll have to believe me on that.”

Phil laughed, and the bubbles in Dan’s chest were growing bigger and lighter. Something touched his hand and it took him a second to understand it was Phil’s own.

“There you go,” he said in an amusement-tinted voice.

Dan gingerly put his hand on top of his, and the gesture was so awkward that they both ended up caught in a fit of laughter.

“If you ask me, that’s the best reaction I’ve ever gotten when telling someone that my soulmate died, so thanks for that,” Phil said after a bit, once they had recovered their breath.

Dan simply shrugged. “You’re talking to somebody who doesn’t even have a soulmate, it would have been pretty hypocritical of me to pretend I know what it’s like.”

“That’s good,” Phil’s smile could easily be heard. “It’s been seven years anyway, I’m good now.”

“Good,” Dan nodded. “Because your caramel macchiato is getting cold and I’m not letting you waste it, so either you drink it or I do.”

Phil just laughed and quickly ruffled Dan’s hair, making him protest quietly.

“Okay, okay, give me a minute.”

*

“What do you mean, you don’t know the story of _Back to the Future_?”

Phil’s voice was filled with disbelief and sheer horror, and Dan had to lean back on his seat and bring up a hand to muffle his laugh.

“Watching films is kinda complicated, you know, with the blindness and the whole I-hate-those-fucking-audio-descriptive-things stuff going on,” he pointed out once he could breathe normally again.

“Yeah, yeah, but _still_ that’s such a classic- okay that’s it you’re going to watch it with me you have nothing to say about this, it’s a matter of life or death.”

Dan suddenly realized he didn’t know how long they had been sat there. The sun felt much softer of his cheek than it did when Phil arrived, and they were currently both on their second cup of coffee.

“Dan? I’m sorry, I mean- of course you have your word in it, that was just a- oh God that was just creepy wasn’t it, I’m-”

“Phil, Phil, calm down.” He felt the urge to grab his hand in a reassuring manner, but with too hot cups of coffee in the way, he deemed it too dangerous. “It’s fine, okay? I just, got a bit lost, nothing to do with you.”

“You sure?”

“Positive,” he smiled. “Besides, I’d be glad to catch up on this movie, if you think so highly of it. I mean, I don’t really know how you’d expect it to work, but…”

Phil chuckled, sounding a lot relieved.

“Yeah, I’m sure we’ll find some way to make it work. I already have a couple ideas, actually.”

Dan groaned. “Oh God, I’m scared now, why did I agree to this, again?”

“Because I’m amazing,” Phil stated, making Dan shake his head with a smile.

“You’re actually impossible.”

“You love it.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Dan threw a kick under the table, in Phil’s general direction, and was rewarded by another burst of laughter.

“Hey, don’t attack me because you can’t handle the truth!”

“As if I would ever do that,” Dan snorted.

“Alright, I don’t want to alarm you but people are looking at us funny, I think we’ve been in here for a little too long and laughing a little too much, I suggest we leave before everyone decides to definitely hate us. This place is kinda nice, to be honest, I’d rather not get kicked out forever.”

Dan lets out a light chuckle again. “Yes please, don’t get me banned to the place that gets me through my exams, please, let’s leave before it’s too late.”

They got out of the coffee shop together, and Dan scrunched up his nose a little when the strong aroma was replaced by ones of Smoke and Gasoline.

“Something’s wrong?” Phil asked curiously.

“Give me a sec, just need to…” he moved his hand in front of him. “Get used to the smell again. Oh my god, this is why I never leave my house, I _hate it_. Smoke and Gasoline is just the worst.”

Especially after he had been surrounded by coffee, cream, sugar, vanilla, chocolate, and damn Roses and Lavender for hours. But he didn’t say that.

“Sorry about that,” Phil said contritely. “Oh, wait, I almost forgot.” He paused for a few seconds, apparently rummaging through a bag. “There you go, that’s kinda why you came to the bookstore in the first place, right?”

He took Dan’s hand and put the book in it. Dan felt the tip of his ears burn.

“Oh, thanks. I had like, completely forgotten about it already.” He laughed. “I only have to catch up on _Back to the Future_ , now, I guess.”

“You definitely are, and I’ll help. You’ll see, this will be fun.” Once again, Dan could just tell that Phil had a grin tugging at his lips. “Shit, I have to go, I didn’t realize it was that late already. I’ll call you later, alright?”

“Sure,” Dan smiled. “Try not to get lost on the way back.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad at directions! Wait, what street am I taking again?”

“Please, tell me you’re joking or I’ll just have to forget every bit of this friendship and fly into the sunset.”

Phil laughed openly again and lightly shoved Dan. “You sound so dramatic, oh my god. I’m kidding by the way, this really isn’t far from where I live, and I really need to go now. Bye!”

“Bye Phil.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_“Incoming call from: Phil. Pick up?”_

“As if I ever didn’t pick up, come on.” Dan sighed and rolled his eyes, before letting out a small giggle. “Oh _god_ I’m talking to a bloody program, I’m turning insane. Yes, pick up. Hello?”

“Hey, Dan. Your voice sounds funny, everything’s alright?”

Dan laughed. “Dude, you’re picking up on my habits quicker than I thought, since when do you analyze people’s voice? But yeah, everything’s fine, don’t worry.”

Phil joined in with a chuckle. “You’re right, I don’t know. But anyway, I’m gonna get killed if I don’t- okay, stop shaking my arm, you can have the phone.”

“Phil? What’s-”

“Daaaaaaan! Surpriiiiiiise!”

“Lou?! What the- okay, first you just pierced my eardrums congrats, second, what the hell are you doing in town and, okay where are you both I’m coming.”

His friend laughed. “We’re at the coffee shop, the one you’re always going. Expecting you there in 5, sweetie.”

Dan let out a swear, and he heard Phil’s laugh in the distance, before hanging up and hastily standing and walking to his wardrobe.

Seriously, who expected him to be up and ready at 9 am on a Monday, the one day he didn’t have classes on the morning?

*

Dan entered the coffee shop, almost sure he was about two minutes late. He sure hoped it wasn’t more than that, or he could be certain that Louise was going to jump at him.

“Finally, we were about to leave, you know,” a familiar voice said next to him.

Dan turned to face it and a smile broke onto his face.

“Nice to see you too, Louise.”

She grabbed his arm and led him to a table, not the one he usually occupied.

“Sorry, I know this isn’t your spot, but your seat was already taken. Phil’s gone to order us some things and- oh, speaking of the devil, here he comes!”

“Caffeine delivery, hello. Took you a caramel macchiato again, Dan, hope that’s okay?”

Dan smiled. “Yes that’s fine, that’s basically the only thing I ever order anyway.”

“Good guess, then! To be fair, that’s what you chose last time so I assumed you didn’t absolutely hate it.”

“You’re such a dork,” Dan chuckled as he shook his head. He heard Phil put down the cup in front of him. “Thanks.”

And here they were again, the little bubbles in his chest. Maye he should get used to them. He could imagine things way worse that than.

“Okay, you guys are cute, but I am also waiting for my coffee,” Louise pointed out.

“Geez, who would’ve thought you were so bossy, I knew you were too nice when you came up to me earlier,” Phil responded.

“Hey, I warned you against her, it’s your fault if you didn’t listen to me yesterday!” Dan laughed. By the way, how did you two meet? And Lou, what are you doing here?”

“Ah yeah, the mysterious reason behind my presence in this lovely little and quiet town.” The sarcasm in her tone was so present, Dan felt like he would be able to touch it if he tried to. “We’ll get to that later. For now, let’s just enjoy our coffees. Dan, move to the side, Phil can’t seat and my bag is taking all the space next to me.”

The tip of Dan’s ears heat up again, as he slid on the bench. “You should’ve told me earlier, you spoon.”

“I know, I know, I got distracted. But thanks.”

*

About an hour passed in casual discussion, Dan had his arms crossed over his chest to stay safe from any awkward situation involving spilling coffee or breaking cups.

“So, Lou, you still haven’t said why you were back, I mean I’m sure glad you are because it’s not as if I talked to many people here –except from Phil, actually- but I’m still wondering.”

“Oh, you know, nothing important, my soulmate died, but that’s no big deal. I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Matt’s all fine, he’s stayed at uni while I’m doing my big return here.”

“Lou, don’t…”

 _Joke about that_. The end of his sentence was lost when Phil gently nudged his knee.

“Hey, told you I was fine. I didn’t just lie to avoid it being uncomfortable, I meant it.”

And really, Dan thought it was unfair that _Phil_ was the one comforting _him_ because of a joke not even directed towards him. Okay, “comforting” was a big word, but still.

He really didn’t seem to mind, though, so Dan let it slide.

“Oh no,” Louise breathed. “Did you…? I’m so sorry, I should definitely think before saying stuff, oh my God.”

Phil chuckles softly. “No problem, I promise. I’d rather you make a joke about it than have to actually go through it yourself, honestly.”

It was Dan’s turn to nudge Phil’s knee, before getting back to Louise.

“You know, that still doesn’t tell my why you’re here.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, really, I just wanted to stop at my dad’s for a little while, I haven’t seen him in quite a time, and I’ve taken my exams for now. Matt still has some, and then he’s going to head back to his parents’ as well. We decided we both deserved a break from the ridiculous pressure there.”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, that’s understandable. Speaking of which, I probably have classes coming up that I would _hate_ to miss, they’re so interesting. But yeah, I’m gonna head back now. It was nice to hang out again, Lou.”

“We’ll have to do that again,” she answered joyfully.

“Hey,” Phil intervened. “What would you think about coming ’round to mine tomorrow, so you can finally catch up on _Back to the Future_? I have an early shift, for once.”

Dan smiled.

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Dan and Phil were both pressed on Phil’s sofa, a bunch of snacks on the table in front of them.

“Okay, so, I had two ideas for how to do this,” Phil stated.

Dan raised an eyebrow. “You sound too excited about this, I’m scared.”

Phil laughed, and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t be, I promise it’ll be fun. By the way, don’t you want to take your sunglasses off? It must be pretty uncomfortable to constantly have them on.”

Dan winced. “Yeah, well it’s not exactly as if I had a choice, most people hate when I don’t wear them and I got tired of always hearing comments about it so, it’s just a habit to take.”

“Oh, okay then. But don’t bother for me, I really don’t care.”

Dan nodded distantly, fully knowing that he didn’t feel comfortable for that yet. It was slightly weird, how he felt at ease about a lot of things when he was around Phil, and yet he just couldn’t forget the thoughts tugging at his mind, reminding him that he wasn’t exactly _normal_. He had always been different, but somehow it was even more tangible then. He snorted at the thought that crossed his mind.

“What is it?“ Phil asked curiously.

“It’s stupid,” Dan said. “I just, like, you can see colours, which… not everyone can do that, and I’m blind as hell, I can’t see anything at all. That’s a rather strange combination of person to find on a couch, about to watch a movie, don’t you think?”

Phil laughed, the warm sound cascading in the air and -okay, maybe Dan really needed to stop with the bloody metaphors, that was getting old.

“Talking about watching a movie, didn’t you have two ideas to make this work out?” He reminded Phil, once he had stopped laughing.

“Oh, yeah, right. So, first option is, we just play the movie normally and I describe to you what’s going on-”

“That’s so original Phil, I totally don’t spend my whole life being described what everybody but me is able to see,” Dan replied sharply.

“Yeah, I thought you wouldn’t be too keen on this one, but if you let me finish, maybe you could hear the second part?”

Dan felt the tip of his ears burn in embarrasment, and he mumbled an apology.

“Don’t worry, I understand,” Phil chuckled. “Well, not really, but I can imagine at least. Okay, anyway, second possibility is: we cover the screen and we have to guess what’s happening without any of us being able to see it.”

Dan stayed silent for a few moments, before a smile broke open on his lips.

“I should’ve known you would try to get yourself to my level instead of insisting so I could get to yours, oh my God. This is going to be a terrible mess.”

“So, what do you say? Is that okay for you?”

“Is that okay for me? You bet it is! Let’s get this film playing, oh my God I haven’t been this excited in a while.”

Phil laughed again, and Dan heard his footsteps move away from the couch, and come back after a few seconds.

“Move over, you’re closer to the snacks.”

Dan sighed exaggeratedly, but did what he was asked to anyway. “Such a demanding host, who would’ve thought?”

“Shut up, and listen. Tell me if you’re too lost at some point, I’ll make you a recap’. I basically know this movie by heart now.”

“Hey, that’s not fair! I barely even know what it’s about!”

“Yeah, well that’s why you’re here. Stop complaining and focus. Want some popcorn?”

“As if I would ever say ‘no’ to popcorn, Phil, seriously.”

*

By the end of the movie, Dan had laughed so hard his cheeks and stomach were hurting. Phil didn’t sound much better next to him.

“It’s over? Oh, wow, that was… an experience,” Dan said, wiping his eyes.

He had laughed so hard he started crying, and had put his glasses aside for a bit. That was the easiest thing to do at the time.

“Ready for round two?” Phil offered, his voice slightly strained by how much he had laughed.

“I, what, now? I don’t think I’m going to survive, Phil.”

“Bullshit, of course you are. Well. Maybe not. The second film is… quite something.”

“We’re going to die,” Dan stated blankly, before bursting in giggles again. “You know what? Go ahead, let’s just listen to all of them in one sitting.”

“You asked for it, remember!” Phil said as he got up again to put on the second movie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After that day, it was fair to say that Dan ended up staying at Phil’s flat nearly more than at his own. As soon as he had finished his classes and (sometimes) the work he was supposed to do, he headed either to the coffee shop or directly to Phil’s, depending on whether he was working or not.

It was a welcome change. Dan had to admit he was starting to grow tired of spending his time at his own place by himself. Now that Louise was back as well, he was out a lot more often than he had in the last few months. Not that he was a fan of being outside, but there was only so much time he could stay home before he felt like throwing his phone against a wall, somewhere.

Besides, getting to hang out with Phil more was far from a bother, his presence was simply quite calming. By now, Dan knew his way around the apartment almost perfectly. Phil had been horrified by the amount of films he hadn’t seen –to be fair, he shouldn’t really have expected much- and had decided to take care of that by practically dragging Dan into marathons of his favourite movies. They had both agreed that, while guessing what the story was by purely basing themselves on the sounds had been hilarious, doing that for every film would be pretty counterproductive. Phil didn’t describe every action on the screen though, and sometimes his choices appeared… quite unexpected. Once, he spent thirty seconds describing a dress before saying “oh yeah, she killed someone by the way.” And of course, he always added his own commentary which often sent Dan in a burst of laughter.

More than once, Dan had fallen asleep on Phil’s couch. For his defense, that usually happened around 3 AM, after both of them had eaten slightly too much pizza and popcorn. After that happened a couple times, Dan had showed up at Phil’s door the next day with a few clothes. “Not that I mind borrowing your sweaters, but we both know you’re probably not going to see them again before a while. So, I might as well stop stealing all of them before this becomes an issue.” Phil had just laughed and helped him to sort them on an empty self somewhere.

Phil’s apartment was also ridiculously calmer than Dan’s, which he claimed was a good enough reason for him to study there as well. His flat was quite noisy, as there were always cars driving under his windows and sirens of various kinds. Really, it was a matter of keeping his grades somewhat acceptable. Or at least, that was the answer he gave his parents when they wondered why he was with a man they’d never heard of before, almost every time they called.

His first meeting with Phil’s mum had been pretty unexpected. He was lying on the floor next to Phil’s couch –where he was, probably watching whatever was on TV-, with headphones on as he listened to one of his classes again. He had a test coming up and he desperately needed to study for it this time, instead of being his usual lazy self. Out of the blue, he felt something tap his shoulder, and he took off his headphones before sitting up.

“What is it?” he asked.

“My mum’s at the door,” Phil replied cheerfully. “She decided to stop by since apparently she was in the neighbourhood, I figured you would prefer if she didn’t walk in on you lying face first on my floor. She would’ve called the police, y’know?”

Dan didn’t manage to hold back a grimace. “Can I just, I don’t know, hide under a table or something? I mean, I’m sure she’s lovely and all but – you know I’m bad with people, right?”

“Shh, stop saying nonsense, it’ll all be fine. Now I’m gonna go open the door, try not to get lost.”

“Hey!” Dan protested as he heard Phil’s footsteps fade away in the opposite direction. “I’m pretty sure I know this place better than you, by this point.”

Phil was still laughing when he opened the door.

“Oh dear,” Dan could hear a different voice, sounding amused, “What a way to greet your old mother!”

“You’re not old mum, stop. And it’s not my fault if Dan’s making me laugh!”

“Oh, he’s here as well? I’d be glad to finally meet him!”

“Yeah, just over here. Dan? We’re coming in, okay?”

“Sure, I haven’t moved from the floor in the five seconds you’ve been gone, you know. Oh wait!”

“Problem?”

“Could you, uh, bring me my glasses if you see them, please? I don’t remember where I’ve put them, and I can’t really look for them, if you know what I mean.”

Phil snorted a laugh, and Dan heard footsteps coming towards him. Phil’s fingers gently took his hand, and placed something in it. He must’ve crouched to be at his level, and something about that fact made Dan ridiculously happy and grateful for him to be so nice.

“Mum’s standing by the door,” Phil added quietly. “Want me to help you get up or you’re fine?”

“Wouldn’t mind if you gave me a hand actually, so I can be sure I’m not awkwardly standing two feet across from her and looking in the opposite direction when I talk to her, y’know.”

The muffled sound of a repressed chuckle came to his ears just before a second hand grab his own and pulled him on his feet. Dan quickly put on his glasses, before letting Phil guide him.

“Ah, here comes the boy who stole my son from any other form of distraction! Pleasure to meet you sweetheart, how are you doing?”

Cinnamon and Vanilla. That was a nice scent (not as nice as Phil’s Roses and Lavender, though. He couldn’t get enough of that one, not even after spending half his time at this apartment, and he doubted he could ever get enough of it, if he was honest), and it seemed to suit her quite well. She had lightly rested her hand on his shoulder, and taken it away before it got too awkward.

“Everything’s really good, thank you. What about you?”

From there, the conversation had flown easily between the three of them, and Dan wondered once again how he had gotten so lucky to end up here.

He was really glad he had that stupid idea of reading _The Stranger_ in Braille _and_ went to search for it at Phil’s library. That was kind of an odd way to meet your best friend but, ah well. At least it could make an interesting story one day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His breathing was too quick. Every air intake too short. He knew it. But it wasn’t as if he could really do anything to control it. He had no idea what time it was, probably the middle of the night. That was when everything was so dark. He knew he had to do something, before it became too much. He couldn’t help but think about how long it had been since his last “crisis”, as he called it. He had hoped that, after months without any, they were finally gone. He was wrong.

Dan threw his arm out, frantically looking for his phone. As soon as he felt it under his fingers, he brought it to his ear.

“Call Phil,” he managed to get out.

He was clutching the phone tighter with every second, and was just about to give up when he finally heard a voice.

“Dan? Are you okay?”

“No, I- oh God I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you, I usually call Louise or PJ but I know Lou was busy and, I’m sorry for waking you up, I’ll just-”

“Hey, Dan, hey, it’s okay. Just breathe, alright? You’re fine, you don’t have to apologize. What’s going on?”

“Don’t- please, don’t laugh at me, I know it’s stupid.”

“I won’t laugh, I promise.” Phil’s voice was familiar and comforting, and it was just _safe_.

“I’m… It’s too dark, I can’t- I don’t even know if my eyes are open or closed, and there’s just _so much black_ , I can’t…”

“Okay, take a deep breath, alright? You can try and feel your eyelids to see if they’re closed or not, that would solve one of your problems. Can you do that?”

“What if… what if they’re gone? Or I’ve lost my eyes? Or-”

“Dan, stay with me, okay? Listen to me. Everything’s still there, as always. I promise. You just have to trust me on this one, okay? It’s all fine. Do you want me to keep talking to you for a bit?”

“I- please?” Dan was surprised at how his own voice was strained and barely audible. He really hated these fucking crises.

“Okay, what do you want to talk about then?”

He thought about it for a second. “Could you, like, tell me about colours?”

“Of course,” and there was the smile in Phil’s voice, the one Dan had grown so fond of. “Let’s start with blue then. There are lots of shades of blue, but they’re all some variations of the same thing, actually. Blue is the salt you can smell when you’re near the sea, the scent of seaweed that’s brought to you by the wind. It’s the sound of the waves, and the sound of the rain against the windows. It’s all of _In Rainbows_ by Radiohead. It’s the laughter you have to contain because you’re in public, but that would fill up the entire room with happiness if you let it out. It’s the cold bite of the wind in winter, that makes your nose hurt and your hands numb. It’s the ache in your chest when you’re missing something, or someone. It’s the dull feeling you get in the late morning, when you just want to curl up in a ball and not think about anything for a while.”

They were both silent for a bit, and Dan felt a tear rolling down his cheek before he got the chance to blink it away and forget about the thing growing in his throat, and forget about how the bubbles in his chest were more present than ever. Because if he didn’t forget about that, he would have to think about it, and think about what it meant. He didn’t want to think.

“What are you thinking about?” Phil asked suddenly.

“I think…” And Dan could hear how his voice was raw with emotion, and he was fairly sure Phil could hear it too. “I think I really like the colour blue.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From then, Phil talking about colours became a regular occurrence, with Dan often insisting that he explained more in details what he thought, or was seeing.

They were out a lot more often as well, Dan was still regularly meeting with Louise at the coffee shop or at a park, but Phil had claimed they both spent too much time at his flat, and had decided to make it his mission to drag Dan everywhere with him.

And, of course, he never told Dan where they were going before they arrived. After a few times, he’d stopped asking about it and played along. Today was not an exception.

“Okay, I know you won’t tell me where we’re going blabla I get it, but is it still far? My legs are getting numb, you know.”

Phil laughed, the sound setting off a burst of bubbles tickling Dan’s lungs, and slender fingers were wrapped around Dan’s wrist.

“Not very far, I promise. I’m guiding you out of the underground, okay? That’ll be easier this way, so we can get out of here. But if you don’t want to, that’s fine!”

Dan shook his head. “No no, that’s fine by me. Getting out as quickly as we can sounds like a plan, it’s really crowded here.”

The hold on his wrist tightened for a second. “I know. It’ll be over in a minute, though, come on.”

They managed to escape, and walked in silence for a bit. And if Phil’s hand was still holding Dan’s wrist, well, he did nothing to step away.

“Aaand there we are! Can you guess?”

“How the hell do you want me to guess? Will you tell me now?”

“Nah, let’s wait ‘til we’re inside.”

“Phil!”

Phil chuckled again and pulled him forward, Dan mumbling under his breath. Until a particular scent was brought to him by someone passing near him.

“Phil, is that- why do I smell salt? Where on earth did you bring me?”

“The aquarium!”

Phil’s voice was filled with so much excitement than Dan had to stop and laugh.

“You took _me_ , the blind boy, to an aquarium?” He said in-between two bursts of giggles. “Phil Lester, you really are something else.”

“C’mon, I’m sure you’ll like it. I’ll tell you all about the weird fishes and mysterious creatures here.”

Dan shook his head again but let Phil drag him forward again. They stopped, and Phil turned him to the left.

“There. Okay, so this is the Boring Tank, there are lots of tiny tiny fishes and, oh! This one is special, he changes colours depending on the angle from which you’re looking at him! What a cool dude.”

Dan hummed in approval, but the major part of his brain was focused of the agitation in his chest, that couldn’t even be referred to as bubbles at this point. It was an actual geyser, ravaging his insides and turning his heart upside down. He would never have been able to ignore the fact that Phil had wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and that it was what had released this mess of an agitation.

He was so screwed. And he didn’t need to think about it to realize that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time Dan met up Louise at their usual coffee shop, he knew she could tell something was off.

“You know, you never did tell me how you ended up meeting Phil that day,” he pointed out.

“I didn’t? Ah, it’s not that interesting anyway. I saw you both here right after I arrived so I thought of coming up to you, but then I hadn’t seen you laugh so much in a really long time, so I decided to leave you both. I’m glad you met him, you know. I think he’s a good person. And he looks at you when you talk by the way, I know you’re upset when you feel like people don’t bother giving you their full attention, but he does. Trust me.”

“Okay, thanks Lou,” he added with a small smile.

“Where did he take you last time? I forgot to ask.”

His smile grew more frank. “The aquarium. Can you believe it? Of _all_ the places, he chose the aquarium.”

“I’m glad you had fun, then.” Dan could hear the soft smile in her voice, and she must have played with her hair because he was suddenly submerged with the sweet scent of her perfume, the one he couldn’t quite place.

“Yeah. Me too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was one question that had been bugging Dan since he was a kid, and he had never managed to receive an answer he was satisfied with. He decided to give it another try as he was sat next to Phil, with Muse playing in the background.

“Phil?”

“Hm?”

“What do I look like?”

He knew he had brown hair and eyes, but that didn’t mean anything to him. He didn’t know what brown looked like, he didn’t know what shade of brown was his, he didn’t know anything. Phil stayed silent a couple seconds more.

“You look like the smell of chocolate,” he finally said, and of course he had understood exactly what Dan meant. “Your hair is like a piece of chocolate that you’ve dipped into hot milk and you’re eating it in front of your favourite movie. And your eyes… you know that caramel macchiato you always take at that coffee shop we go? That’s how your eyes are. Warm and gentle. And, your skin is white chocolate. It’s clear and soft and you have freckles and moles just like the little vanilla bits in the chocolate. You have slightly purple bags under your eyes because you don’t sleep enough, and okay that might be partly my fault. They remind me of that blueberry muffin you stole from me the other day.”

“Hey, you were taking way too long to eat it, and it smelled amazing, how was I supposed to resist? And what do you look like, then?”

Phil let out a small chuckle.

“I’m way less softer than you. Let’s see… my eyes are the sound the ocean makes when it’s angry and the waves are rolling and crashing against each other. They’re the taste of tears. And my hair is black like the odor of gasoline.”

“Disagreed,” Dan interrupted him. “No way your eyes are the taste of tears. Try again. Two tries left.”

Phil chuckled and lightly bumped his shoulder into Dan’s.

“They are, though! But there’s a honey ring at the center, and tiny flecks of moss if you look close enough. I guess it balances out?”

“Hm, let’s say it does. You shall continue.”

“How kind of you, thank you very much.” Dan failed to contain a smile. “But uh, we’re pretty much the same height, meaning we’re both giants. My skin is like snow, that’s the only thing I can think of that could do justice to its extreme paleness, honestly.”

“How come you can find lovely images to describe me and a lot less for yourself? That’s not really fair.”

“It is. Your far softer than me. I’m all sharp edges and pointy bones, honestly.”

Dan laughed a little at that, and they both fell back in a comfortable silence, still filled by the music.

“Okay, my turn to ask a question now,” Phil spoke up after a couple minutes.

“Please do.”

“I have two actually, but the second one will have to wait. You told me once that you could recognize people at their scents sometimes. Is it always really specific?”

“Hmm.” Dan thought about it for a second. “It depends, I guess. If you take Louise, I know she’s always wearing the same perfume and I can identify it pretty easily by now, but I’ve never been able to point out the exact scent it is. But sometimes it’s a lot easier: for example, I know Peej is Wooden Musk because it’s the deodorant he uses, my mum’s Lilac because that’s her favourite perfume, and my dad’s Lilac and Cologne. It’s kind of a weird mix actually, but you get used to it. And you’re Roses and Lavender, but I’ve already told you that.”

“And what are you?”

Dan had to admit, that was the first time he was asked that, and he never really thought about it himself.

“I don’t… actually… know? Never wondered about that before.”

“Give me your hand, then.”

“I, sorry?”

“Give me your hand!” And Dan could swear Phil had an absurdly excited smile just by the tone of his voice, which sent a fit of bubbles tickling his ribcage. “I’ll tell you what you are, it’s only fair that you can know too, after all.”

Dan shook his head, not bothering to contain the grin he could feel growing on his lips, and extended his arm in front of him.

“Go on then, I’d be happy to hear what you think.”

He felt Phil’s hand take his own, and bring it to the left.

“Oranges,” Phil declared after a couple seconds. “Which isn’t really surprising, considering you’re constantly drinking orange juice;”

“Hey! It’s keeping me awake after you’ve forced me to watch another one of your bloody movies until 4 am! It’s either that or overdosing on coffee, and you know it.”

“Whatever you say. I wasn’t finished though. There’s a tiny little hint of something else, but I can’t quite say what it is.”

“Eh, guess I have a better nose than you!”

“Stop bragging, you insensitive snail.”

“… Insensitive snail? Where are you even getting these from?” Dan giggled.

He actually _giggled_. Well, fuck.

“My wonderfully creative brain, of course. Where else?”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

“Whatever.”

Another moment passed, _Black Holes and Constellations_ being the only sound in the room.

“About that other question I had…”

Phil seemed much more nervous than before, which was making Dan nervous as well. He wasn’t used to Phil being anything other than his happy and comforting self.

“Ask ahead, no need to stress about it y’know.”

That could’ve been less blunt, but at least Dan had gotten the point across. He was not very good at reassuring people, but he could always try and-

“Can I kiss you?”

And he thought _he_ had been blunt, bloody hell. Any rational thought instantly left Dan’s brain, as he tried to pick his mind up the metaphorical void it had fallen into.

“I’m an idiot,” Phil breathed, bringing Dan back to reality. “I shouldn’t- let’s just forget I asked, okay? That was just stupid.”

“Yes. Wait wait, no. I mean. Yes, you can kiss me. I’d do it but it’d probably end up a lot more awkward so, yeah. You’re still here?”

He was answered with a hand cupping his cheek and soft lips against his, light as a feather. He gingerly found his way to Phil’s neck, placing his hand on his jaw. He closed his eyes, remembering he had taken off his glasses and, well, he didn’t want to make Phil uncomfortable because of his eyes _now_ of all times.

They broke the kiss soon enough, Phil letting out a soft giggle, and Dan opened back his eyes, by habit more than anything.

He wasn’t expecting to be surrounded by something entirely different from the black void he was so used to.

The first word that came to his mind was _blue_. He was drowning in Phil’s eyes, the colour so vibrant it erased everything he had ever thought about it. He couldn’t look away, despite how much he wanted to.

He saw the way Phil’s eyebrows rose up in a funny way, creating a few lines between them.

Phil’s hand was on his cheek again suddenly, wiping away something.

Was he crying? He hadn’t noticed he was crying.

“Dan? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Phil’s panic-filled voice was what brought Dan completely back to his senses again.

“You’ve forgotten to mention something.” His voice was raw with emotion, and he couldn’t tell if he wanted to cry for a few more hours or laugh and dance around. “About the colour blue. You’ve forgotten to mention it was _home_.”

He saw the realization make its way in Phil’s eyes, the way his whole face lit up, and the huge grin that broke on his face.

“You can _see_ them. The _colours._ ” He looked so amazed and in awe that it immediately sent Dan full-on sobbing, as he threw his arms around Phil’s neck and embraced him in a tight hug, crying heavily on his shoulder.

Phil’s arms were around his back soon enough, and maybe he felt a couple tears falling on his shoulder, but that was the least of his problems at the moment.

He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that he could fucking see, and that he could even see colours! That was never supposed to happen to him, he had stopped hoping for that a long time ago, when he was still just a child.

And yet, this was happening.

He couldn’t express how happy he was even if he tried, so he didn’t, instead keeping his crying on Phil’s shoulder until he ran out of tears.

“But I don’t… I, how is it even _possible_?” Dan said once he had recovered enough breath to talk, moving out of Phil’s embrace to face him. “I mean, I already can’t understand why on earth I’d be able to see but, like, you’ve already met your soulmate so I don’t… what does it mean?”

There was a glint in Phil’s eyes that he didn’t quite know how to interpret. Hell, he didn’t know how to interpret anything.

“I guess… I guess nobody ever said you couldn’t get a second chance.”

Dan had never been happier of this stupid idea he had of going to the bookshop near his house.


End file.
